Iocaine Powder

missfishie

The scene: a rocky cove on The Mysterious Island of Mystery. 7 stools (for sitting, not the other kind) arranged in a semi-circle around a firepit, each with a tall wooden torch leaning behind it. Jeff Probst stands to the side, his hands folded in front of him.

The Bohem tribe files in and sits, looking nervously around the cave.

"Welcome to Tribal Council. In Survivor, fire represents your life. Take the torch behind you and dip it in the fire. As long as your torch is lit, you have life in this game."

Blah blah, Jeff asks some questions that the Survivors don't really answer honestly because they don't want to reveal their gameplay sekrits, Jeff tells them it's time to vote, they all go up and write down their votes.

Before I read the votes. If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and wishes to play it, now is the time to do so.

*blank stares from the members of the Bohem tribe*

What, you didn't know? Yeah. There is an immunity idol hidden at each tribe's camp. Anyway, on to the votes. Jeff reads them aloud:

First vote... ADMIRALAWESOME
Second vote... ADMIRALAWESOME
Third vote... SUZIKA
Fourth vote... SUZIKA
Fifth vote... SUZIKA
Sixth vote... wait, there are only 5 votes. 7 people on the tribe and only 5 votes? *shrug*

The first person voted out of Survivor Iocaine Powder is SUZIKA. Suzy, bring me your torch. *snuff*

Bohem, head back to camp.
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missfishie · Posted: Tue May 11, 2010 8:53 am Post subject:

Tribal Council delay due to a tiebreaker in process.
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blaisenwolf · Posted: Tue May 11, 2010 12:43 pm Post subject:

Screw your tie-breakers. Ya'll need a shot of grain and some rye flour infected with LSD fungi.
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missfishie · Posted: Tue May 11, 2010 12:48 pm Post subject:

The Kappa tribe enters the tribal council area, takes their torches and dips them into the flame, and sit on their adorable little stools as they await Jeff's directions. He gestures casually toward the voting urn, and each of the Kappa members make their way up and make their votes. Jeff collects them and takes his place near the crackling firepit to read them aloud.

First vote... EMANON176
Second vote... BLAISENWOLF
Third vote... THEMANSTARK
Fourth vote... BLAISENWOLF
Fifth vote... JESSFISH
Sixth vote... JESSFISH
Seventh vote... THEMANSTARK.

Are you shitting me? A 3-way tie? Way to make your first tribal council a ginormous pain in the ass, Kappa. Anyway, I have a tiebreaker question for the three people who each received 2 votes against them. Price is Right rules, of course. How many spices are there in my spice drawer?

Jessfish: um... 14?
TheManStark: uh... 17?
blaisenwolf: let's say... 49?

Jeff scurries to his kitchen and counts them up. There are *50* individual jars of spices in my alphabetized drawer. Jessfish, you were the furthest away from the correct answer, and so you have been voted out of the game. In kind of a fucked way, I'll admit. Anyway, bring me your torch. It's time for you to go. *snuff*

Kappa, that was exciting. Head back to camp.
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missfishie · Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 7:47 pm Post subject:

The Bohem tribe enters the tribal council area. Jeffy Pop stands to the side of the players looking handsome as always, ready to do his job. One by one, the votes are cast.

First vote... KONTIKI
Second vote... KONTIKI
Third vote... CNUTT
Fourth vote... KONTIKI

Jeff looks into the voting urn for the other 2 votes, but it's empty. Odd.

Kontiki, your tribe has spoken. Bring me your torch. *snuff* Bohem, head back to camp.
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missfishie · Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 1:35 am Post subject:

Oh, btw. I keep forgetting to bring up the hidden immunity idol at Tribal Council. Since both tribes have access to one, you can assume that Jeff has asked the tribe before reading the votes if anyone would like to use the hidden immunity idol.

For those of you who don't know how it works, a person with a hidden immunity idol can use it at Tribal Council. They will send me a forum PM *before* their tribe's votes are due, informing me that they will be using it. When used, all votes cast for that person will not count, and the person with the second highest number of votes will be sent home. The idol will be out of play regardless of whether or not its user actually received any votes during that Tribal Council.
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missfishie · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 4:57 am Post subject:

The Bohem tribe enters the tribal council area, carrying their lit torches. They take their seats and wait for Jeff to begin his spiel.

"Welcome to Tri--"

mordormongo stands up, interrupting Probst.

"Um, it's not time to vote yet. I'll let you know when it's your turn, tiger."

mongo grabs his torch and walks toward Jeff. "It's my turn, yo. Being on a tribe with AA has left me violated, dehumanized, and totally spent. I can't take this anymore. I gotta go."

Jeff glances over at AA, who shrugs silently. The rest of the Bohem tribe looks to the floor.

"Well, I can't say I blame you. He is a giant asswipe. If you want to go, I guess that's your prerogative."

*snuffs torch*

Bohem tribe, you haven't really spoken. But them's the breaks sometimes. Head back to camp.
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missfishie · Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 3:10 am Post subject:

The Kappa tribe enters the Tribal Council area. Jeff appears confused and can be seen counting silently on his fingers.

"Well hi there, guys. Nice to see you."

The Kappas groan and nod their heads, but do not make eye contact.

"You ready to vote, then?"

One by one, they approach the voting urn and cast their votes. Jeff waits patiently and then retrieves the votes.

"Guys, this is kind of ridiculous. There are 5 people on your tribe, and only 3 votes in the urn. In the real game of Survivor, if you fail to show up for a challenge or for Tribal Council, you're kicked out of the game. This should have been a rule at the start of the game and as much as I hate to switch horses midstream, I think this is fair. I hereby decree that anyone who does not show up for Tribal Council is automatically removed from the game. Because, seriously."

The Kappas look at each other, clearly shocked.

"So let's see. Who submitted a vote this time? I see a vote from yayamcg, one from TheManStark, and one from Emanon. No votes from blaisenwolf or AdmiralAwesome. Blaise and AA, Jeff has spoken. You're not here, so I'll go ahead and bring myself your torches."

*snuff*

Remaining Kappa members: sorry about that. Consider this the Survivor version of inactivity boots. It had to be done. Head back to camp.
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missfishie · Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:10 pm Post subject:

Serendipity: when the person who doesn't show up to tribal council is the person the rest of the tribe decided to vote out anyway.

TheManStark, your tribe has spoken. And you kind of did too, by not showing up. I'll just, uh, grab your torch and stuff. *snuff*

Kappa, head back to camp.
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missfishie · Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 4:17 am Post subject:

The Bohem tribe has submitted the following votes:

First vote... CNUTT
Second vote... CNUTT
Third vote... SIRRIS

Fourth vote? Where is the fourth vote?

Cnutt, your tribe has spoken. Please bring me your torch. *snuff*
yayamcg, because you failed to attend this tribal council, you are eliminated from the game. I will get your torch for you. *snuff*
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missfishie · Posted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 4:41 am Post subject:

Welcome to your first tribal council as a merged tribe. You are getting close to the end of the game now... can you feel the excitement?!? No? Okay then. Go ahead and cast your votes.

As Jeff walks to his mark, cradling the voting urn under his strong, delightfully hairy forearm, Mike Liviar stands up.

"Before you read those, I have something to show you." Mike unzips his pants, and there is an audible gasp from the Survivors around him. He reaches into the fly of his impossibly clean and pressed slacks, and pulls out... a hidden immunity idol.

Jeff hesitates, then grabs the idol with his thumb and forefinger, clearly not wanting to handle this thing that has been stored in Mike's underpants for god knows how long. He speaks. "The rules of Survivor state that when a hidden immunity idol is used, any votes cast for its user will not count. This is indeed a hidden immunity idol, so any votes cast for Mike Liviar will be void. Let's get to the vote."

First vote... MIKE LIVIAR
Second vote... MIKE LIVIAR
Third vote... EMANON
Fourth vote... EMANON
Fifth vote... MIKE LIVIAR

That's 3 votes for Mike Liviar and 2 votes for Emanon. Since the votes for Mike don't count, EMANON... your tribe has spoken. Please bring me your torch. *snuff*
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missfishie · Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 4:33 am Post subject:

The final four Survivors shuffle into the tribal council arena and take their seats. Jeff, looking remarkably chiseled and fresh, gestures toward the voting urn.

First vote... MIKE LIVIAR
Second vote... MIKE LIVIAR
Third vote... SIRRIS
Fourth vote... MIKE LIVIAR

Mike, your tribe has spoken. Please bring me your torch. *snuff*

tomkitty, Sirris, Hojo- congratulations. You have made it as far as you can in this game on your own. The power is now in the hands of the jury-- a group of people that you had a hand in voting out, either directly or indirectly.

You will write a shortish statement explaining why the jury should give you the 2 Mr. A prize and the title of Sole Survivor. Please send this to me via FORUM PM by ROLLOVER on SUNDAY, JULY 25. The jury members will each ask you a question, which they will also send to me via FORUM PM by ROLLOVER on SUNDAY, JULY 25. I will post your opening statements and the questions on Monday, and you will have until Friday to answer them.

Good luck.
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missfishie · Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 4:13 am Post subject:

I received no jury questions, so here are the statements from the final three.

missfishie · Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 4:18 am Post subject:

The scene: a gaudy studio. The audience is full of family and friends, Survivor contestants past, and lots of hobos the network picked up off the streets to fill the seats. The final three survivors sit at center stage, which is set as a mock up of the on-location tribal council area. They have gained back the weight they lost on the island, plus several more. They are all wearing too much bronzer, and look terrible. Jeff Probst stands at stage left, holding the voting urn. He looks as incredible as always. He speaks.

Survivors, we have been through quite a lot together. It's been a fun 39 days (let's just pretend, mmkay?), but it's time to crown our winner and move on with our lives. Let's read the votes.

First vote... TOMKITTY

(One section of the crowd stands up and cheers wildly, as tomkitty beams and shifts nervously in her seat)

Second vote... HOJO HOMINYGRITS

(Another section cheers, and Hojo winks and adjusts his hat confidently)

Third vote... HOJO HOMINYGRITS

(Hojo's section cheers again, and he smiles)

Fourth vote... SIRRIS

(Sirris' section hoots and hollers, but Sirris remains still, staring resolutely at the firepit)

Fifth vote... the winner of Survivor: Iocaine Powder is... HOJO HOMINYGRITS!

(The entire crowd bursts into applause. Hojo stands, hugs his competitors, and runs into the audience to greet his family)

Thanks for a great season, you guys. Hojo, you have won the title of Sole Survivor and the 2 Mr. Accessory prize. tomkitty and Sirris, you will each receive 5.5million meat as a consolation prize.

Jeff Probst, out.
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